What should you do if your baby shrieks at a wedding or “stealth vomits” on an innocent bystander? How can you use your child to avoid old friends you never liked in the first place? Is there a polite way to encourage cash baby-shower gifts or determine whether or not your babysitter is insane? Are there special rules for parentally impaired drivers? Eats, Poops & Leaves has the answers to all these questions and more, offering polite yet innovative solutions to the etiquette situations—from the mundane to the bizarre—that confront all new parents.